I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
