i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
