Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
