remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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