dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
