wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
