you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
