my being single is dangerous.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
