im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
