dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
