i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
