How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
