piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
