so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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