I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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