She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
