Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
