You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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