As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
