my vag is so smooth its legendary
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
