I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
