they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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