i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she woke up with a sticky ear
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
