Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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