Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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