fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
PANTIES FOUND
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