Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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