My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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