it wasn't lemon gatorade
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
