he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
