Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
