96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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