I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
