My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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