"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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