i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
