I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
