When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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