You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just googled if crying burns calories
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
