Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
