the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
