Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
