Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
