HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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