Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
