we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
