I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
