I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
