How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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