I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
