Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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