I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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