she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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