ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
