shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
