Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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