Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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