just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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