he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
worst night to have a conscience
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize