I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
