I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
