She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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