Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
