K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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